All lyrics by Green Andy, sadly.

36 RED PILLS

I’ve got a hole in my door; I didn’t notice it before
And I can’t lock it when I leave and you just wouldn’t believe
The day I’m having

I’ve got a fly in my bacon and I don’t know why I’m makin’
Such a fuss about it now because I do not want to drown

Oh yeah, I’ve got a hole in my shoe, it’s there for you

I’ve got a rock in my sock and it doesn’t wanna talk
So I threw it down the drain, only now it knows my name
And that’s Andy

And I’ve got no time to stay so I’m going far away
On my outboard motor boat; it ain’t pretty but it floats

Oh yeah, I’ve got a hole in my shoe, it’s there for you

I’m feeling sick to my head and I want to go to bed
And I can’t think about it anymore, so while you’re leaving close the door
Because I can’t

And I don’t know what to do, and I’m running out of glue
And I still feel a little ill so I’ll just take this little pill now

Oh yeah, don’t tell me the little red ones are poisonous, because I took 36 of them


ALIEN HEAD

I’ve got an alien head in the old tool shed
I read him papers and I named him Fred
I give him stuff to drink, give him time to think
His eyes are black as India Ink
He tells me tales of giant whales
And Martian oceans on which he sails
He likes my canary but he can’t carry
A single thing and he’s not merry

I love my alien head
Yes I really love my alien head
I would die for my alien head
I would fry for my alien head

I’ve got an alien head that isn’t dead
He isn’t happy; that can be said
I give him stuff to drink from the kitchen sink
When he spits it out, the water’s pink
He tells me tales of dangerous trails
You can try to cross them but you will fail
He likes my canary and chocolate cherries
His hair won’t grow so he don’t get hairy

I love my alien head
Yes I really love my alien head
I would die for my alien head
I would fry for my alien head


ANNA, DON’T BE BORED

I know you’re feeling like a loser
Alone and down and don’t know what to do
Friday night don’t have to be a snoozer
Maybe you could cook yourself a stew

Anna, don’t be bored
‘Cause there’s lots of stuff to do; you could even do your chores
Anna, don’t be bored
Just take a look around the corner; got stuff to do?
Well here’s some more

Go ahead and give your cat a bath
Plenty of embroidering to knit
No need to lie down and take a nap
Plenty of things to do if you can only think of it

Anna, don’t be bored
‘Cause there’s lots of stuff to do; you could even do your chores
Anna, don’t be bored
Just take a look around the corner; got stuff to do?
Well here’s some more

Put on a sock and have a puppet show
Sing a Broadway tune if it’s the only tune you know
Polish off the knob on the upstairs bathroom door
Plenty of activities, so Anna don’t be bored

Anna, don’t be bored
‘Cause there’s lots of stuff to do; you could even do your chores
Anna, don’t be bored
Just take a look around the corner; got stuff to do?
Well here’s some more


THE BLUE GOOSE

Well I saw the blue goose, saw him sitting on the gate
Then I said, I said to myself, you’d better not be late
Then I saw the blue goose, saw him sitting on the tracks
Then I knew I’d been to hell; I’m never coming back

Blue goose, blue goose, look what you’re doing to me
You’ve got me so blind that I cannot see
You’re telling me just what I want to be
Blue goose blue goose blue goose look what you’re doing to me

Well I’ve been to heaven baby, I have been to hell
I’ve been to both and I’ve come back; there ain’t that much to tell
But once you’ve seen that blue goose, once you’ve seen what there is to see
That blue goose, he’ll do to you just what he did to me

Blue goose, blue goose, look what you’re doing to me
You’ve got me so blind that I cannot see
You’re telling me just what I want to be
Blue goose blue goose blue goose look what you’re doing to me

Well I’m walking down that road, I won’t come back no more
I walked up to the devil and I asked him for the door
But if I see that blue goose, if I see that goose again
I’m gonna run baby, gonna run fast as I can

Blue goose, blue goose, look what you’re doing to me
You’ve got me so blind that I cannot see
You’re telling me just what I want to be
Blue goose blue goose blue goose look what you’re doing to me


CASH PAID FOR YOUR OLD CLOTHES

Cash paid now for your old clothes
You’ve worn them out now bring them in
I cannot stress just how important
Your donation really is
We’re taking all the given clothing
Handing them to fashion shows
They’re giving us ten grand an outfit
So cash paid for your old clothes

Your tie will walk the walk in Paris
Retail at a thousand and nine
Bring me more clothes, make them faster
I’ll be fashion lord and master

Cash paid now for your old clothing
Europeans want them so
And if they’re only hand-me-downs
Just keep your mouth shut; they won’t know
They call me Andy, fashion beast
My styles are worn by all of those
Who think themselves the glitterati
So cash paid for your old clothes


CATBURGERS

Catburgers make ‘em every day
Catburgers why won’t they go away
Catburgers make me want to scream
Catburgers hair on my new jeans

Cat cat cat cat burger burger burger burger
Cat burger cat burger cat cat burger burger
Burger burger

I want a burger too
Burger just for you
Maybe two or three
Most of them for me
Burger burger

Catburgers hate the way they smell
Catburgers my own private hell
Catburgers make me shift and moan
Catburgers all to call my own

Cat cat cat cat burger burger burger burger
Cat burger cat burger cat cat burger burger
Burger burger

I want a burger too
Burger just for you
Maybe two or three
Most of them for me
More and more and more
Can’t fit out the door
I’ll come back again
Then I’ll order ten
Burger burger


COUNTRYSIDE

Countryside
It is so wide


CUT THE CORD

I said you’ve got to cut the cord
When you’re bored
Out the door
Give me more; I’d say that skin weighs a ton
It’s no fun
You’re the one
With the bun in the oven now
He’s so loud
Let him out
Check it out, he’s such a crying baby
I said maybe
But baby lately
You’ve got to cut that cord right now

I need to cut the cord
It’s no chore
On the floor
It’s a war to get rid of that skin
Let me in
I can’t win
You’re so thin; why you must not weigh a pound
On the ground
Running round
I have found why you can’t sleep at night
You’re uptight
It’s your right
And you’ve got to cut the cord right now
Cut the cord


DARK LORD

The dark lord is coming to steal your soul
Gonna cook up some rock and roll
Throw in a potato and some barley beans
Then you’ll know what suffering really means

You’re in the pit
You can’t get out of it
You’re gonna fry, you’re gonna die
Your skin will turn all hard and dry

The dark lord is almost at your house
He is the cat and you are the mouse
He’ll make you scream like never before
He’ll start to kill right when he walks through the door

The end is near
Your mind is full of fear
He’s gonna maim, he’s gonna kill
I think you’d better write your will
The dark lord is here

The dark lord is gone, leaving only death
And now you’re down to your very last breath
Your dying, it has no dignity
It was just fun for dark lord to see


DIFFERENT MAN

Darling Esmerelda, I am writing you
To tell you of the tribulations that I have been through
I was a normal man having a normal day
Until the androids came and took it all away

They captured me on Stellaron-4
When they were done, I wasn’t human no more
They replaced my skin with iron and steel
It keeps out the lasers but it’s hard to feel

I love you baby, but now my heart’s a tin can
I love you baby, but baby I’m a different man

Esmerelda I may never see you again
‘Cause I’m the androids’ superhero man
With my laser gun and electron shield
The bad robots run from the power I yield

I don’t know why fate has done this to me
I used to be as normal as normal can be
Now I’m keeping overlords from conquering Mars
I’d rather be in Pittsburgh but I’m here in the stars

I love you baby, but now my heart’s a tin can
I love you baby, but baby I’m a different man

Darling Esmerelda once you get this letter
You’ll probably realize that it’s not getting any better
I’m the hero of the worlds and the scourge of sin
Yet I cannot weep, for my heart’s made of tin

I didn’t want you to worry about me
But it would be best if you went on without me
I wrote this letter so you’d understand
This is a final goodbye from the Nuklonic Man

I love you baby, but now my heart’s a tin can
I love you baby, but baby I’m a different man


DISTORTED SIGNAL

I’ve got a distorted signal blocking my view
I’ve got a distorted signal, don’t know what to do

I’ve got a distorted signal so I can’t see
I’ve got a distorted signal coming after me

I’ve got a distorted signal and it’s blocking my view


EAT FISH

If you want a treat that's sweet to eat
And you don't want to cheat to meet your beat
I said oh, eat fish

Love it in the morning and I love it at night
I get it when I've got it but I know it's not right
I said oh, eat fish

Well my parents, they don't understand
They don't take the time to see
That eating fish, it is my wish
It's all that's real for me
I just oh, eat fish

You want to eat some fish with me
Get in my way and I'll piss in your sea
I said oh, eat fish


ECLIPSOR

Eclipsor is the man, the man with the plan
He lays down the armies with his iron hand
No mercy will come from this lord of the damned
Eclipsor is the executioner man
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah Eclipsor
Aaaaaah the man with the plan, Eclipsor

Eclipsor is the brute with the flute to toot
Your life is pointless and your life is moot
We scramble at his feet like a frightened newt
We scream and we scream but he don’t give a hoot
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah Eclipsor
Aaaaaah with flute to toot, Eclipsor

Eclipsor is the mind with the axe to grind
If you he seeking, then you he will find
He is not happy and he is not kind
Die if you want to because he doesn’t mind
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah Eclipsor
Aaaaaah with axe to grind, Eclipsor


EMISSARY OF EVIL

Gastro nasto testi-morph
Froggy coldy shower
Super specko narco-lab
Kills the man of the hour

Emissary of evil
He’s a boll weevil
Emissary of evil
He just don’t care

Packa lacka hydro-bomb
Standing on a slab
Ricto-morphic guardi-may
Clothes are looking mighty drab

Emissary of evil
He’s a boll weevil
Emissary of evil
He just don’t care

Hootie gootie morty myer
Using up the soda
Penci-proppa maxi-logger
Horse is sitting in the pagoda

Emissary of evil
He’s a boll weevil
Emissary of evil
He just don’t care
Emissary of evil
He’s feeling feeble
Emissary of evil
He just don’t just don’t just don’t care


THE ENVY OF ALL YOU BASTARDS

When I come back from a day on the course
I fill you in, but you all wanna know more
And I try to be the envy of all you bastards
‘Cause I know the score
When I drop it in three strokes, it took all of you four
But it’s hard to be the envy of all you bastards

And I know I don’t always fit in
And it shows, ‘cause when we play, I always win
But that’s how it goes when you’re the envy of all you bastards
When I putt, I take it home
You can come over to my house and take a look, ‘cause there ain’t a trophy that I don’t own
But it’s hard, ‘cause when you’re the envy of all you bastards, you play alone


FLORAL WRATH

The floral wrath is coming to pass
Don’t get in its way or you’ll fall on your ass
The floral wrath is feeling mean
Kill kill kill, if you know what I mean
The floral wrath is a chilling conception
It kills and it lies, with death and deception
The floral wrath can never be contained
Don’t get too close; it’ll suck your brains

You can’t escape the floral wrath
No no no no, you can’t escape the floral wrath
It’s getting bigger, bigger everyday
Floral wrath has come to take your children away
It’s getting bigger, bigger all the time
Floral wrath will fill you up with chlorophyll slime

The floral wrath is a meat machine
It’s cold and it’s dark and it’s lean and it’s green
The floral wrath is your ugly demise
If you want to see it, look to the skies
The floral wrath’s almost too big to see
It’s coming for you and it’s coming for me
The floral wrath is here for us all
So hide yourselves people, big and small

You can’t escape the floral wrath
No no no no, you can’t escape the floral wrath
It’s getting bigger, bigger everyday
Floral wrath has come to take your children away
It’s getting bigger, bigger all the time
Floral wrath will fill you up with chlorophyll slime


HALLOWEEN MASK

Baby baby maybe you should think about the things that you do
The consequences could be disastrous if you don't think it through
I wasn't the first to warn you and I won't be the last
So baby baby baby, won't you take off that Halloween mask

Baby baby maybe you should hear the complaints I've been receivin'
They say a woman in a Darth Vader mask isn't good for business
You're the worst secretary in the labor pool; girl you're the last
So baby baby baby, please take off that Halloween mask

Baby baby baby you've just got to leave it behind
I said baby baby baby people think you're committing a crime
Your boss thinks you're insane, don't think you're up to the task
So if you want to keep your job you've got to take off that Halloween mask

Now baby baby baby baby baby what'cha doing to me
I don't want shoppers thinking we're robbers and pointing at me
I won't be married to Darth Vader anymore; October is past
So please baby baby baby take off that Halloween mask


I CAN’T PLAY TROMBONE

I wish I could play the trombone
I wish I could use a phone
I wish I could wear sunglasses
I wish I showed up for my classes
But I can't play trombone

I wish I could eat spaghetti
I wish I could meet Tom Petty
I wish I was on Roseanne
I wish I could be a man
But I can't play trombone
I can't even get a tone
I just sit here alone
'Cause I can't play trombone

I wish I had a manana
I wish I ate a banana
I wish I could fly to the moon
I wish I could get there soon
But I can't play trombone
No I can't play trombone


I USE A STALL

I use a stall when I go to the bathroom
I use a stall when I pee

Elvis was a stall man
I’m a stall man too


LET ME GET ON THE BUS

Please bus driver won’t you let me get on the bus?
I’ve been here so long that my face is covered with dust

I promise I’ll pay the fare
I’ll only go from here to there
I can sit anywhere
I won’t even need a chair

So please bus driver, won’t you let me get on the bus?
I don’t want to be a bother, I don’t want to make a fuss

I promise I won’t make a scene
I don’t need a TV screen
You don’t need to know what I’ve seen
I just need the chance to come clean

So please bus driver, won’t you let me get on the bus?
I hate to insist, but I have to get on, I must

Please bus driver, won’t you let me?
How far can my money get me
I feel like I want to be set free
Even though you only just met me

Please bus driver, please bus driver, please bus driver let me get on the bus now
Please bus driver, please bus driver
Please bus driver, won’t you let me get on the bus?


MIDDLE NAME

All the kids on my street
They are falling to kiss my feet
Scared of getting their asses beat
I never get trick or treaters

Kids won’t go outside to play
Parents wish I’d just move away
But I won’t; I’m here to stay
I fly off the danger meter

Being a hardcore motherfucker’s how I got my fame
That’s why hardcore motherfucker is my middle name

Pantera won’t go on tour with me
Say it’s scary to be near me
If they dare to fuck with me
I’ll show them some vulgar power

I don’t need no goddamn friends
I can do my own damn errands
Think I’m reaching close to the end
Of my rope; this time it’s war

I’m dangerous! I’m ready to snap! This ain’t no fucking game
‘Cause dangerous and ready to snap is my middle name

I’m dangerous! I’m ready to snap! This ain’t no fucking game
‘Cause dangerous and ready to snap is my middle name
Being a hardcore motherfucker’s how I got my fame
That’s why hardcore motherfucker is my middle name


MISTER SOMEONE ELSE

His face is blank
I call him Frank
You will forget
That you have met
He has no features
Glad to meet you
Stay awhile
And he will greet you
Cannot call him
On the phone
He has no address
Big blank home
He has no watch
Don't know the time
But you may find him
Fighting crime
He is Mr. Someone Else

You see him there
He's everywhere
He's kind of white
Can't see at night
His voice it echoes
Just won't let go
In his house
He has art deco
Superheroes
Love him so
Because he tells them
What they know
He knows just how
They all felt
Because he's
Mr. Someone Else
He is Mr. Someone Else


MY NEW LUNAR HOME

I have been thinking 'bout my house
And while I try to get a point across I never get it out
I want to live upon the moon
People tell me it'll happen but they never say how soon
And I can't wait anymore
With every space launch my bags are packed, I'm out the door

I want to go to
Always too slow to
My new lunar home
Maybe you'll join me
Or I'll be there only
And be alone

I have some choices to make later
Should I build it in the open or construct it in a crater
I will have to bring supplies
'Cause the distance to the shopping mall's an intimidating size
But it'll be where I belong
When I sit in my new summer pad they'll know I wasn't wrong

I'll be content there
The time I've spent there
In my new lunar home
Free from your worries
I'll watch you scurry
Down there below


PASSING A STONE

I’m passing the stone of love
It soars through my bowels just like a dove
I’ll always remember how I feel
When my gastro-intestinal juices congeal

But I was just passing a stone
I could never let it be
I’ll never be alone
As long as you’re here with me

You’ve infected my urinary tract of pleasure
Your acid-irritating properties are my treasure
Your love has given my life direction
And tamed the flames of my bowel infection

But I was just passing a stone
I could never let it be
I’ll never be alone
As long as you’re here with me


PLASTIC BREW

Born to kill and rape and fight
Sent out screaming in the night
Oh yeah

Gonna crown himself the king
Doesn’t even know a thing
Oh no

The plastic brew
He’s coming for you

He just wants to end this war
But that is all that he is good for
Oh yeah

Think you know just what to do
But you’ve never met the plastic brew
Oh no

The plastic brew
He’s coming for you


POPCORN MACHINE

My throat is so dry
And I know the reason why
Since the day that I was born
I've been up to my armpits in popcorn

When you're 16 million light-years from the nearest soda stand
You've got worse dehydration than a person can stand
When I ask for a soda fountain, they don't know what I mean
So I've left the solar system with nothing but my popcorn machine

Try to lay off the salt
Try to bring my sodium intake to a halt
But I don't know if I can; I'm so far gone
I'm stuffed with nothing but popcorn

My water level's rising and I don't know what to do about it
I could get soda on another planet, but I doubt it
It's five feet tall, cherry red and powered by kerosene
It's all I've got to cook with, it's my popcorn machine

There's an open wound on my left arm
It's causing me a bit of alarm
And I wouldn't give a darn, but the matterhorn
Is coming up fast and I'm running out of popcorn

I'm getting hard to understand, I'll certainly grant you that
But it's obvious to see the desperate state I'm at
I'm trying to get my mind off it by reading a magazine
But the fact remains I've got no popcorn for my popcorn machine

The room is spinning
My starvation is slowly winning
And I barely notice the hazardous meteor storm
I'm so detached, I can only think of my dwindling popcorn

You may laugh at my sad little story, but what would you do
If your supply of kernels ran out on you?
You could throw away the butter and keep the galley clean
But you would have one useless popcorn machine


ROCK YOU LIKE A WRENCH

I’m gonna knock upon your door
And then I’m gonna bust it down
I’m gonna scream just like the devil
That is, when we come to town
Make you squeal like a pig
Make you cry like a wench
Make a man out of you
Rock you like a wrench

And as your fears start to fall
You’ll be the guttest buddy of all
Make you scream it, make you shout it
Nothing you can do about it

I’m gonna knock upon your door
And then I’m gonna kick it in
If it’s a fight ‘tween you and Gutwrench
You know you could never win
In the football game of life
You were always on the bench
But lucky you, tonight’s your night
I’m gonna rock you like a wrench


SCOTT IS ROCK HARD

Hail to the chief
I'm sittin' here on top of the world
I'll be brief
Scott's rock hard and he ain't no girl

Rock Hard Scott
He's got what he's got

Man of the year
I don't know why but I just know it
Let's go get a beer
I've got a big rock and I've got to show it

Rock Hard Scott
He's got what he's got

I'm getting on the train
I'm hitting record and putting in the tape
It's pounding in my brain
You've got big boots and you've got a long cape

Rock Hard Scott
He's got what he's got
Scott's rock hard
And he's in my yard


TIMEZONE

I’ve got a time zone
It’s only one
Those bastards on the east coast
Get to have all the fun
I’m in Chicago
It’s two o’ clock
It’s daylight savings
So I turn back a tock

No one realizes, no one knows
But everyone is at one, and that’s how it goes
Your hour hand’s at one
The long hand’s on top
It may be just for an hour
But time seems to have stopped

I’m in the ocean
I can’t go far
Spending New Year’s Eve
By the light of a star
Four feet over
January’s begun
By 24 hours
It’s day number one

How do you live like this, what do you say
When your neighbor next door is still in yesterday
I’ve got to find a way to find the time that I dropped
It may be just for an hour, but time seems to have stopped


UNIFORM NOT CLEAN

Sitting in my room, eating something
Strange concoction, noodles and meat
Luscious Jackson, television
Why oh why can't I be as funky as they are?

Making a mess all over my carpet
It's a fabric so it can't be cleaned so well

Computer left on, three days ago
"Andy is God" over and over and over
Reading comic books is my way of coping
Cosmic battles make my hardships seem so small


I work at 4:15 and my uniform's not clean
Guess I'll show up early anyhow

Photo in the hall, is that even me?
I can't believe it, it looks too bad
I need a haircut, can't see my ears
Why use a razor if you don't know how

Making a mess all over my carpet
It's a fabric so it can't be cleaned
I work at 4:15 and my uniform's not clean
Guess I'll show up early anyhow


WHO IS MAJOR VALIENT?

He is the one we’ve been waiting to see
He is the one who will free you and me
He is the one whose name means victory
He is the one who knows the places to be

Major Valient, Major Valient, Major Valient
For you and for me
Major Valient, Major Valient, Major Valient
Be all that you can be

He is the one, goes to the end of the line
He is the one, defuses the bomb in time
He is the one who we will all get behind
He’s a hero of yours, and he’s a hero of mine

Major Valient, Major Valient, Major Valient
For you and for me
Major Valient, Major Valient, Major Valient
Be all that you can be

He is the one who knows just what to do
He is more major, more major than you
He is the one, who will see it through
He’s Major Valient and he’s fighting for the red, white and blue

Major Valient, Major Valient, Major Valient
For you and for me
Major Valient, Major Valient, Major Valient
Be all that you can be


WHUT THE GUT

Whut the gut is happening to me?
On my back is a W, on my chest is a G
Don’t got nobody to call my own
It looks like Gutwrench is my only home

And I said whut the gut is happening to me
‘Cause guts and wrenches are all that I see
They’re all I see

Whut the gut am I doing here?
Been roaming alone on my own for over a year
Don’t got no money, no credit cards
All I got is this Gutwrench song and this Gutwrench guitar

And I said whut the gut is happening to me
‘Cause guts and wrenches are all that I see
They’re all I see

And I said whut the gut is happening to me
‘Cause guts and wrenches are all that I see
Well whut the gut is happening to me
‘Cause guts and wrenches are good enough for me