All lyrics by Green Andy, sadly.

BOX OFFICE SMASH

You broke my heart in two
And now I've got a 180-person crew
And they're all thanking you

Since where else would they be
Without a screenplay that was written down by me
About your treachery

You cheated on me often
Our home felt like a coffin
Eventually I came to see
Your true self and I had enough

You dumped me like a burning rash
Now you're my box office smash
You used to be my love but you treated me like trash
Now you're my box office smash

You treated me so mean
That's why I gave you herpes in scene 17
My bill of health is clean

The world will call you whore
And in the sequel they'll have cause to hate you more
And just wait ‘til part four

The public's on my side
Your face, you'll have to hide
You'll be a reject
No self-respect
Insults will be all you expect

Took my love and took my cash
Now you're my box office smash
You and me were like a shirt and pants that only clashed
Now you're my box office smash

Now I've got wealth and fame
Nobody knows your name
I made my fortune from your torture
Tell me, who could blame me?

You dumped me like a burning rash
Now you're my box office smash
You used to be my love but you treated me like trash
Now you're my box office smash


I COULD NEVER MAKE IT RIGHT

I could never ask for your forgiveness
What I did was too bad
I should be stonewalled for life
I could never make it right

I should get down on my knees and beg forgiveness
But my crimes were too great
I should just accept my fate
I could never make it right


JUST NOT THAT GOOD AT IT

It’s a valued public service and I don’t do it for money
And I don’t do it for fame or to make you think more of me
It’s a thing that I don’t do, and I don’t do it all the time
Because if I start to do it we’re in for a boring night

I sadly lack the skills and the strength and the technique
And I haven’t got the stamina to bring you to your peak
I really wish I could at it
But I’m just not that good at it

That’s not the lone advantage; there are other upsides too
I don’t have to think about if I got STDs from you
My sex life is a goldfish bowl; it’s all contained within me
I don’t have to think or worry about inferior breeding

My bed sheet’s in the wash, and my sweat-socks can’t be worn
And my future generations probably never will be born
I may as well be a food addict
‘Cause I’m just not that good at it

The women are all grateful, they’re all thanking me profusely
Because if I start to date them then they’ll just have to refuse me
If I could, then I would at it
But I’m just not that good at it


LOVE TAP

I only thought it was a love tap
I didn't think that it would hurt so much
I didn't think that you would bruise from my touch
I just assumed it was a love tap
Love tap

We were all sitting at the bar, then
You hit me lightly with the side of your fist
It wasn't like I even got very pissed
I just responded with a love tap
Love tap

I'm gonna have to go to jail now
I swear to god this never happened before
They're going to lock me up behind closed doors
But I swear it was a love tap
Love tap

They say I have an anger problem
They say that I don't know my own strength
I just keep pushing til I hear something break
But I just thought it was a love tap
Love tap


MY INHIBITIONS

All the cups were red
I couldn’t tell which one was mine
14 hours later
I was covered in spilled wine

The pics were on the Internet
Everybody saw me fall
They saw me puke my brains out
Let me tell you, they saw it all

I lost my inhibitions
Someone else just lost their beer
Someone had to drive me home
I was much too drunk to steer

My mother has disowned me
All the girls in town pretend I’m dead
They saw the video online
Of me giving some stranger head

I think I’ll move to Nova Scotia
But they have YouTube too
I need to get off of this planet
Tell me, what else can I do?

I lost my inhibitions
My wallet and dignity too
It was only my first time drinking
The experience was new